The Stay-At-Home And Work-From-Home Mom: A Husband And Father’s Perspective

Mildred B. Vermont Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love.

Before we even get to the meat of this post, I want to clarify that this post is about moms that have chosen to be stay-at-home or work-from-home moms. It is NOT about moms that choose to work instead of being home. So please don’t look for something to be offended by in this post because nothing in it is meant to be offensive. It is not a “Mommy Wars” post to say one type of mom is better than the other. It is simply my view of the moms that choose to stay home and raise their children.

The best thing that you can give your child is time

I guess I should let you in on a little background information so that you know this isn’t a new subject to me. As far back as I can remember, if I was home then so was my mother. She didn’t drop me off at someone else’s house or a daycare so that she could go to work (not that there is something wrong with doing that). She made the decision to stay at home and raise my sister, brother, and me. Since that was what she wanted to do, my father made sure that was possible and worked his tail off to provide her with that opportunity. My mom wanted to be the primary influence in our lives and because she was, even to this day, I continue to see her in things that I do, say, and believe. I’m 34 years old and I’m still catching myself saying or doing something I’ve never said or done before and I’ll say to myself, “Whoa, that definitely came from my mom.” I’ll be forever grateful for my mom making the decision to be home full-time because I know it kept me out of A LOT of trouble. Shoot, it might actually be a reason why I’m still alive now. Some of the stupid things boys get into can certainly be life threatening even with parental supervision and influence.

After growing up in a household where I always had my mother around and seeing the impact that it had in my life, I have always wanted to provide that opportunity for the woman that I would marry. I wanted to give her that choice like my dad afforded my mom. I’m not one of those guys that thinks if their wife isn’t “working” at some “job” then she’s not “pulling her weight.” There are more ways to help “provide” for the family other than earning income, which I will get to shortly. I did not know when this wife would come along or even if raising our children full-time is something that she would want. I just knew that when she came along and if she wanted to be home with our children full-time then I wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps and provide her with that option.

"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling...It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in, it is what God gave us time for." So at 33 years old I married the most perfect woman. She’s smart, HILARIOUS, loves God and has a strong faith in Him, she’s absolutely gorgeous, and is the most patient and kind hearted person I’ve ever met. And guess what… her life-long calling that she felt since she was a child herself was to be a mother. That’s what she told me she always wanted to be and I quote, “I’ve always wanted to be a mother.” When she said those words she didn’t mean that she just wanted to get pregnant and give birth to a child so that she could be called a mother. She meant that she wanted to be a mother in a deeper sense. She always felt called to be a mother as a vocation and took the role of motherhood very seriously. When my wife told me that, I knew that I was going to do whatever I had to do to make sure the bills were paid so that she could live out that desire. In March 2015 Mariah’s wish to be a full-time mother became a reality, thanks to AdvoCare. That’s when our daughter Camille was born.

From Day 1, my wife has been home with our sweet little girl. That’s what she wanted and I support her in that decision. There are several reasons why. The first of which is that our family ideals will be instilled in our child at a young age instead of someone else’s. I have seen time and time again instances where my friends’ kids pick up some bizarre activity, language, or even immoral teachings up from a daycare worker. I’ve also seen instances where my friends’ children have picked up bad habits from other children they share a daycare with. I’m not sitting here suggesting that we are going to shelter our daughter from civilization (even though I’m taking her to look at convents instead of colleges and making sure she becomes a nun – ;)) I’m simply saying that I believe that we are in a better position to teach our children right from wrong if we are the ones spending the most time with her. Let’s face it… if someone else is watching your child for the 8 hours you are at work and likely the 30 minutes to and from work (9 total hours) then there will be a massive competing influence in that child’s life. I’m also not saying that all daycares are bad or that they are even bad in general. All I’m saying is that they are not for us for the reasons stated above and among many other reasons because of the things I have seen in my line of work that has lead to some daycares being shut down, sued, and owners and employees of them spending time behind bars (you do NOT want me to explain the details of these crimes – you will have nightmares).

Proverbs 22:6: "Train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it.

Proverbs 22:6: “Train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it.”

I support my wife because I’m not sure I could do what she does. I actually can’t believe that so many moms choose to be home full-time or aren’t yet, but want to be. That has got to be the hardest job in the world. Not to mention you’re likely doing it on little to no sleep. I’ve had my alone time with Camille and I gotta say, taking care of her is much more difficult than my job. Now, with that being said, I’d still rather be home with her all day, but there’s no doubt it would be a much more difficult task to take care of her on no sleep than to practice law.

As I said earlier, there are more ways to “provide” for a family than just earning income. My wife provides our daughter with more than just diaper changes, baths, and nourishment. She provides her love and care, nurturing, gentle arms to fall asleep in, someone to read to her, constant attention when she’s awake and a watchful eye when she’s asleep, someone to pray with, someone to take her to the park in the middle of the day or to a mom’s group to play with other children, the primary influence in her life to teach her right from wrong and moral from immoral, a role model of faith and a love for God among many other things.

Your children need your presence more than your presents Jesse Jackson

Our daughter isn’t the only person she provides for. She also does a lot of the laundry, nearly all of the cooking (not because she has to, but because she genuinely enjoys it enough to look at it as a hobby – wait, who am I kidding? She actually does have to do it because we couldn’t live off of Paleo desserts, chicken, mixed vegetables, and sweet potato fries for every meal because that’s about all I got), and she routinely helps clean the house as well. The craziest thing is, she does it on very little sleep and she does it for FREE! It’s not a paid position in a monetary way; however, it is paid with love from both Camille and me. She’s a servant in the most wonderful sense of the word because she’s doing it out of love and to add value to our daughter’s life.

So to all you mom’s out there that have chosen to stay home with your children whether just to raise them or to do it while you work from home, cheers to you. You are doing something I honestly don’t know that I could. You are incredible.

I saw this piece on Time.com and I remembered it while writing this post:

A company placed this classified ad looking to fill a Director of Operations position.

The job had a mandatory 135+ hours a week of work and required the job holder to be on call at all times, day or night. Qualified candidates should have a knowledge of psychology, medicine, personal finance, culinary arts and basic technology skills. The job also had physical requirements: the ability to stand for hours, lift up to 75 pounds, be constantly moving and operate on little to no sleep.

While the nation’s jobless claims may have dropped to the lowest levels since 2007, 24 people responded to the job posting at Rehtom, Inc., even though the position offered no medical or dental benefits, no pension and no paid holidays, but did offer “infinite opportunities for personal growth and rewards.”

The 24 applicants were interviewed via webcam. That’s when they got the surprise of their life. The video is worth watching all the way to the end.

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