The Stay-At-Home And Work-From-Home Mom: A Husband And Father’s Perspective

Mildred B. Vermont Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love.

Before we even get to the meat of this post, I want to clarify that this post is about moms that have chosen to be stay-at-home or work-from-home moms. It is NOT about moms that choose to work instead of being home. So please don’t look for something to be offended by in this post because nothing in it is meant to be offensive. It is not a “Mommy Wars” post to say one type of mom is better than the other. It is simply my view of the moms that choose to stay home and raise their children.

The best thing that you can give your child is time

I guess I should let you in on a little background information so that you know this isn’t a new subject to me. As far back as I can remember, if I was home then so was my mother. She didn’t drop me off at someone else’s house or a daycare so that she could go to work (not that there is something wrong with doing that). She made the decision to stay at home and raise my sister, brother, and me. Since that was what she wanted to do, my father made sure that was possible and worked his tail off to provide her with that opportunity. My mom wanted to be the primary influence in our lives and because she was, even to this day, I continue to see her in things that I do, say, and believe. I’m 34 years old and I’m still catching myself saying or doing something I’ve never said or done before and I’ll say to myself, “Whoa, that definitely came from my mom.” I’ll be forever grateful for my mom making the decision to be home full-time because I know it kept me out of A LOT of trouble. Shoot, it might actually be a reason why I’m still alive now. Some of the stupid things boys get into can certainly be life threatening even with parental supervision and influence.

After growing up in a household where I always had my mother around and seeing the impact that it had in my life, I have always wanted to provide that opportunity for the woman that I would marry. I wanted to give her that choice like my dad afforded my mom. I’m not one of those guys that thinks if their wife isn’t “working” at some “job” then she’s not “pulling her weight.” There are more ways to help “provide” for the family other than earning income, which I will get to shortly. I did not know when this wife would come along or even if raising our children full-time is something that she would want. I just knew that when she came along and if she wanted to be home with our children full-time then I wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps and provide her with that option.

"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling...It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in, it is what God gave us time for." So at 33 years old I married the most perfect woman. She’s smart, HILARIOUS, loves God and has a strong faith in Him, she’s absolutely gorgeous, and is the most patient and kind hearted person I’ve ever met. And guess what… her life-long calling that she felt since she was a child herself was to be a mother. That’s what she told me she always wanted to be and I quote, “I’ve always wanted to be a mother.” When she said those words she didn’t mean that she just wanted to get pregnant and give birth to a child so that she could be called a mother. She meant that she wanted to be a mother in a deeper sense. She always felt called to be a mother as a vocation and took the role of motherhood very seriously. When my wife told me that, I knew that I was going to do whatever I had to do to make sure the bills were paid so that she could live out that desire. In March 2015 Mariah’s wish to be a full-time mother became a reality, thanks to AdvoCare. That’s when our daughter Camille was born.

From Day 1, my wife has been home with our sweet little girl. That’s what she wanted and I support her in that decision. There are several reasons why. The first of which is that our family ideals will be instilled in our child at a young age instead of someone else’s. I have seen time and time again instances where my friends’ kids pick up some bizarre activity, language, or even immoral teachings up from a daycare worker. I’ve also seen instances where my friends’ children have picked up bad habits from other children they share a daycare with. I’m not sitting here suggesting that we are going to shelter our daughter from civilization (even though I’m taking her to look at convents instead of colleges and making sure she becomes a nun – ;)) I’m simply saying that I believe that we are in a better position to teach our children right from wrong if we are the ones spending the most time with her. Let’s face it… if someone else is watching your child for the 8 hours you are at work and likely the 30 minutes to and from work (9 total hours) then there will be a massive competing influence in that child’s life. I’m also not saying that all daycares are bad or that they are even bad in general. All I’m saying is that they are not for us for the reasons stated above and among many other reasons because of the things I have seen in my line of work that has lead to some daycares being shut down, sued, and owners and employees of them spending time behind bars (you do NOT want me to explain the details of these crimes – you will have nightmares).

Proverbs 22:6: "Train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it.

Proverbs 22:6: “Train the young in the way they should go; even when old, they will not swerve from it.”

I support my wife because I’m not sure I could do what she does. I actually can’t believe that so many moms choose to be home full-time or aren’t yet, but want to be. That has got to be the hardest job in the world. Not to mention you’re likely doing it on little to no sleep. I’ve had my alone time with Camille and I gotta say, taking care of her is much more difficult than my job. Now, with that being said, I’d still rather be home with her all day, but there’s no doubt it would be a much more difficult task to take care of her on no sleep than to practice law.

As I said earlier, there are more ways to “provide” for a family than just earning income. My wife provides our daughter with more than just diaper changes, baths, and nourishment. She provides her love and care, nurturing, gentle arms to fall asleep in, someone to read to her, constant attention when she’s awake and a watchful eye when she’s asleep, someone to pray with, someone to take her to the park in the middle of the day or to a mom’s group to play with other children, the primary influence in her life to teach her right from wrong and moral from immoral, a role model of faith and a love for God among many other things.

Your children need your presence more than your presents Jesse Jackson

Our daughter isn’t the only person she provides for. She also does a lot of the laundry, nearly all of the cooking (not because she has to, but because she genuinely enjoys it enough to look at it as a hobby – wait, who am I kidding? She actually does have to do it because we couldn’t live off of Paleo desserts, chicken, mixed vegetables, and sweet potato fries for every meal because that’s about all I got), and she routinely helps clean the house as well. The craziest thing is, she does it on very little sleep and she does it for FREE! It’s not a paid position in a monetary way; however, it is paid with love from both Camille and me. She’s a servant in the most wonderful sense of the word because she’s doing it out of love and to add value to our daughter’s life.

So to all you mom’s out there that have chosen to stay home with your children whether just to raise them or to do it while you work from home, cheers to you. You are doing something I honestly don’t know that I could. You are incredible.

I saw this piece on Time.com and I remembered it while writing this post:

A company placed this classified ad looking to fill a Director of Operations position.

The job had a mandatory 135+ hours a week of work and required the job holder to be on call at all times, day or night. Qualified candidates should have a knowledge of psychology, medicine, personal finance, culinary arts and basic technology skills. The job also had physical requirements: the ability to stand for hours, lift up to 75 pounds, be constantly moving and operate on little to no sleep.

While the nation’s jobless claims may have dropped to the lowest levels since 2007, 24 people responded to the job posting at Rehtom, Inc., even though the position offered no medical or dental benefits, no pension and no paid holidays, but did offer “infinite opportunities for personal growth and rewards.”

The 24 applicants were interviewed via webcam. That’s when they got the surprise of their life. The video is worth watching all the way to the end.

Dear Camille, You Had Your First Beach Trip!

AdvoCare Kids on The Coast Incentive Trip

Dear Camille,

You had your first beach trip! It was the AdvoCare Kids on The Coast Trip and it was a blast! I’m sorry that you didn’t get to actually go ON the beach because of how hot it was outside, but at least you got to hangout in the cabana at the pool. The ceiling fan in the cabana was a nice touch. We were so blessed to spend time with 249 other families that we love and the best part about it was that we didn’t have to spend anything! That’s right, it was FREE! We’ll have to pay for Disney World though when we go, but that trip will mostly be for your mom. She’s a Disney fanatic. I’m sure you know that though since she plays Disney tunes for you every day. I’m sorry about that.

It was a 5 hour trip total, but we broke it up into two 2 1/2 hour trips since we got to stop at Nonnie and Papa’s for a weekend. You slept the entire trip there and then to Destin only waking up once to go potty. I still can’t believe it. You are an awesome traveler!

Out of the 250 families on the trip, there were over 300 kids and out of the 300+ kids on the trip, you had to be the most famous. Everyone loves you little angel. Not that you needed any help looking cute, but your bathing suit only added to your cuteness factor. Oh, and that flower hat… adorable! Here’s a pic of you climbing all over mom under the cabana and another when you were pretending to be shy:

AdvoCare Kids on The Coast Incentive Trip

AdvoCare Kids on The Coast Incentive Trip

 

You even made room for a snow cone… well, it was snow cone unflavored ice. You appeared to like it though.

AdvoCare Kids on The Coast Incentive Trip

While on the trip we had a chance to hangout with some pretty famous people. We got to see Trevor Bayne who drives the AdvoCare #6 car. I hope to God that you are never in a car that is even possible to go as fast as he drives. 🙂 He ate lunch with everyone and then played beach volleyball with us.

AdvoCare Kids on The Coast Incentive Trip

 

We also spent a good bit of time with one of our dear friends, Ron Reynolds. One day I’ll be able to explain to you how much this man has changed our lives and your future. He is the reason your mom and I have eliminated over $141,000 of debt in under 2 1/2 years. Here’s a picture of you with Ron. You blinked when I took the picture. 😉

Ron Reynolds debt buster AdvoCare Kids on The Coast Incentive Trip

One of our favorite parts of the trip was the pajama party movie night where we watched “Despicable Me.” Although that movie is pretty good, I think the best part was hanging out with you and mom in our pajamas.

AdvoCare Kids on The Coast Incentive Trip

AdvoCare Kids on The Coast Incentive Trip

Don’t worry that you slept through most of this trip because there will be many more trips like this my little one. You are a blessing to us and to everyone that knows you. Your smiles are contagious and your laughs are even more so. We love you so much and cannot wait until our next trip with you. Until then, there will be many days of lounging around the house in your little lounger with your mom playing Disney music and me reading you books.

Love you sweet angel,

Dad

P.S. Thank you for not pooping in the car when we changed you. I REALLY appreciate that.

I Know It’s Hard To Believe – So Here’s The Proof

WallPunch-Drywall

Over the past 2 1/2 years, I have made multiple posts on various social media sites regarding how much debt I’ve eliminated and the other day I made another one. I know how unbelievable it is for someone to eliminate over $137,000 of debt because honestly it’s hard to believe it myself. The higher the number goes, the more unbelievable it becomes, to others AND myself. I think the reason is because most people don’t know it’s possible to become debt free. For most people, by the time they pay off or come close to paying off their car, they’re having to take out a loan for another one, take out a second mortgage on their home, secure a mortgage on a new home, while still paying off credit cards and student loans among many other creditors.

So because I realize most people can’t believe it, I decided to show everyone just how true it is. I scanned in letters from financial institutions and took screenshots from credit card accounts (THANK GOD our credit card debt is GONE!) A few things that aren’t shown here are the over $7,000 of a veterinary bill I had from when Jackson went to the vet hospital and tried to die on me, hundreds of dollars in outstanding medical bills from my knee surgery, and payments made on my Jeep.

Before you say… “how did this guy have so much debt!?” I’ll tell you. When you go to private undergrad and private law school, the student loans add up fast. Then when I had to start paying them back and the minimum payments consumed a large majority of my paycheck every month, I felt like I had no other option at the time except to use a credit card just to put food on my table and gas in my car. So that’s how… not to mention we were not allowed to work my first year of law school.

I understand that not everyone has had as much debt as I did, even for those that own a home. I also understand that earning extra income to be able to do what I’m about to show you below may not be for everyone… BUT what if it is for you?

Thankfully AdvoCare has the DebtBuster program, which helped me eliminate loan after loan and credit card after credit card. Your proof… see below. 😉

Let’s start with this personal bank loan:

While going through some mail I found this letter regarding paying the balance of my personal loan IN FULL! WHAT WHAT!!!? #refreshing Thanks “June Pridmore” and yes,  I bet you do “hope to have the opportunity to serve me again in the future.” Thanks but no thanks sista!

Debt freedom


Next, I have a Discover student loan that I eliminated back in early 2014 before our wedding. That’s right, PAYMENT IN FULL!

Discover student loan debt eliminated


Citibank received the same treatment from me: less interest for them! Sorry, but not sorry!

Citibank student loan debt eliminated


Here was the largest credit card I had to eliminate. My Discover card was out of control and by far had the highest balance out of all of my cards. Checkout that $0.00 balance! Looks pretty sweet, huh!? We also used a bunch of that “Cash back bonus” to go toward our debt. 😉

Debt free from credit card debt


And here was Mariah’s Discover card that we eliminated right after we returned from our honeymoon to Greenbrier. Again… $0.00 balance and it’ll stay like that. Just about emptied that cash back balance on this one too.

Debt free from credit card debt


Next we have my Chase credit card. This was the second credit card I had because I signed up for a free t-shirt or a Hungry Howie’s pizza or something like that on my college campus. By the way, there are now laws restricting these credit card vultures that prey on very impressionable college kids from doing that anymore. Current balance on this one? You guessed it… ZERO!

debt free credit card debt


Next we have my very first credit card secured in the same manner as the one above. What can I say? Here I am, a freshman in college with basically no limits except for things that required money. Credit cards helped me erase that limit too. Glad that I got that one at $0.00 balance.

debt free credit card debt


This was a fun one to eliminate. Not only did I eliminate the balance, but I was left with thousands of miles that I could cash in for gift cards or free flights. 🙂 That’s all fine and dandy, but I’d rather pay for my flights instead of going into massive debt to have them awarded to me.

debt free credit card debt


 NOW HERE COMES THE DECISION POINT:

If you have significant or even minimal debt from a mortgage, car payment, credit cards, student loans, personal loans, etc. – what you just saw above can be YOU! It’s not magic. It’s not luck. All it took was an incredible opportunity and a willingness to be completely free of debt! Remember, “opportunity does not make appointments. You have to be ready when it arrives.” I have my hands on the most incredible opportunity I’ve ever seen. Do you?

The Best Time To Fix A Leak is NOW!

listenup

I consider myself very blessed to have as many friends as I have. Because I have a lot of friends, I know people on both ends of the financial spectrum. I know people who are doing well financially, or so it seems, and I know people who are struggling financially. For people on both ends of the spectrum… LISTEN UP!

No one would’ve guessed how poor my financial situation was 21 months ago, not even my best friends or family. I had over $200,000 in student loan and credit card debt. I was living less than paycheck to paycheck because by the time I paid my student loan payments I was having to put necessities like food and gas on credit cards, which soon led to hitting the maximum balance on each of them. So I was on the struggling side of the financial spectrum.

There are many people that are in similar situations and then there are those that are nowhere close to it; however, the ones that are nowhere close to it and can be there in a flash. I’ll give you a few real life examples in a moment. You never know what the future holds for you and your family. So the best time to prepare for it was yesterday. The next best time is now. There’s a phrase that I heard my friend Jon Butler say that made a lot of sense to me. He said, “the best time to fix a leaky roof is before it starts raining. If you try to fix it while it’s raining, it’s nearly impossible.”

“The best time to fix a leaky roof is before it starts raining. If you try to fix it while it’s raining, it’s nearly impossible.”

Here are some real life examples of fixing the leaks of the metaphorical roof before it rains:

1. I have a friend that was doing well for himself. He didn’t have much debt, had a nice job, had a good bit of savings, and  decided he just wanted to earn a little extra income on the side as a “Plan B.” So he began to build an AdvoCare business in January as an extra source of income. He very quickly began to earn about $2,000 a month. In mid April, the company that he worked for eliminated numerous positions and his was one of them. Being out of a job, he would’ve burned through his savings quickly, but because he decided to fix the leaks before it rained, he didn’t stress the elimination of his position.

That reminds me of the unforeseeable 18,000+ layoff that Microsoft announced in July. I bet that wasn’t in those employees future plans. I hope they didn’t sign a contract for a house or big purchase based on their salaries.

“As long as you are an employee, you are at the mercy of your employer to provide for your family.”

There’s a phrase I heard a friend say that gave me a sick feeling of disgust in my stomach because of how true it is. He  told me, “As long as you are an employee, you are at the mercy of your employer to provide for your family.” That’s not something I want to live with… EVER! Your employer can pull the plug and flip the switch on your income stream in a matter of seconds. How comfortable does that make you feel? For me, not comfortable at all. It actually makes me sick to think about being at the mercy of someone else.

2. I have two other friends that are very dear to me that were in a similar situation financially except they altered their situation right before I spoke with them about earning extra income. My friends Jason and Rachel Robinson had no clue what was about to happen to them a year down the road. Rachel had just left her job and was looking for something to do to earn extra income while she looked for a new job. She quickly stopped looking for that new job after they began building their AdvoCare business. It only took a couple months to replace what Rachel was making at her old job, which allowed her to be a full-time mom to their three children. They didn’t realize how big of a blessing that was until several months down the road when they found out that their youngest son was diagnosed with autism, which required their constant attention. They are also incurring a lot of extra costs to provide for the extra training and schooling he requires. They fixed the leaks before it rained/poured.

10150605_620255951270_1462494585258416865_n3. Many of you now know my situation; however, no one foresaw, not even I, what my future held. I have said this before in a blog post and I said it again in front of over 300 people: “What woman would want to marry the man I was that couldn’t even take care of himself, much less someone else?” That gave me a level of disgust and drove me to fix my situation. A year after turning things around, God surprised me. He introduced me to Mariah. If anyone would’ve told me a year ago that I’d be married in May, I would’ve thought they were crazy. I didn’t foresee being married in May 2014. I would’ve thought they were even crazier if they told me I’d be having my first child in March 2015, but I guess being married and completely open to the blessing of a child that could’ve been expected. Weddings and children are accompanied with huge blessings. Unfortunately, they are also accompanied with huge costs.

The good news for us is, we didn’t have to hold off on getting married to save up for our wedding and we also are not stressing the extra costs that a child is going to bring because of a decision I made 21 months ago. That decision allowed for us to pay for our wedding in cash. That’s right… CASH. We didn’t go into further debt to get married like many couples do. We are also not stressing the financial changes a child is going to bring. We cannot wait for our little blessing to get here! We cannot thank our friends enough for introducing AdvoCare into our lives. Thanks to AdvoCare, Mariah doesn’t have to get a job and both of us have the opportunity to be full time parents when our child is born.

“AdvoCare shows up well before the need.”

I’ve heard my friend Danielle Butler say this before and it reigns true, “AdvoCare shows up well before the need.” In our case and in the ones I mentioned above, that couldn’t be more true.